Dude my mom stole all your condoms
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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