I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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