We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
