mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
