he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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