CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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