Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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