I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
