Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
