A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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