Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
