there was a trapeze. enough said
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
