if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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