After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
