Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
