so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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