so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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