i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
