I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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