so that wasnt chicken after all
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
