Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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