There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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