I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
