dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
