When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
