The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
