Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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