I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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