all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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