ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
