I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
