You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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