my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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