ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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