i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
