alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
