I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
