I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's shark week go big or go home
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
