you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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