im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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