she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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