high people should be assigned attendants
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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