you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
