My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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