VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
