I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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