I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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