Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
