I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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