My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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