What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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