there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
